Leadership isn’t just about direction. It’s also about relationships — especially when you’re leading with someone else.
In many small businesses, it’s common to see husbands and wives, business partners or mixed-gender teams running the operation together. It can be incredibly rewarding.
It can also be frustrating.
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Why? Because men and women often think differently. Not better or worse, just different.
One metaphor I’ve found helpful over the years comes from the book Men Are Like Waffles, Women Are Like Spaghetti by Bill and Pam Ferral. It paints a picture:
Men tend to compartmentalize. Like waffles, their minds operate in boxes. One thing at a time.
Women tend to connect everything. Like spaghetti, their thoughts are interwoven.
Understanding this isn’t about stereotyping. It’s about becoming curious. And if you’re going to lead well — especially across gender lines — you’ll need that curiosity.
Here are three essential leadership practices:
1. Self-awareness before strategy
Respect means not rolling your eyes when your spouse wants to talk about how everything connects to everything.
It also means you don’t shut down when your business partner seems focused on only one thing.
Respect says, “I see you. I trust there’s a reason you’re thinking this way.”
Curiosity is key. Instead of judging the difference, learn from it.
2. Ask questions
Demanding someone engage in a conversation with you is a wall-building venture. It says, “Talk to me now,” which almost always triggers defensiveness, especially when tension is high.
Instead, try “Hey, I’d love to understand more about what you’re thinking. Can we talk later today?”
Good questions invite trust. Demands create distance.
3. Be neutral and intentional
Open, honest conversations don’t just happen. You have to create space for them. And that space needs to feel safe.
That means coming into the conversation ready, not reactive.
Not weaponizing emotion.
Not trying to win.
Sometimes the best move is to walk away for now and come back later with curiosity, not a case to argue. That’s what real leadership looks like in relationships.
If you’re leading with someone who thinks differently than you, don’t run from the tension. Learn from it.
Understanding how men and women process, respond and communicate is one of the most overlooked leadership skills.
And it changes everything.
