Retirement always used to be a dirty word on the farm. Retirement meant washed up. It meant useless. Basically it meant you were ready to be carried out of the house in a box.
If that’s still your attitude, though, you might be well advised to spend a minute thinking about your better half. Are you really so sure that they want to farm until they drop too?
More and more farm spouses are saying, “What about me? When do we get to travel and relax a little without being so tied to the farm?”
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In fact, disagreements over retirement are leading to a growth in divorces, even among couples who have been together 30, 40 and sometimes even 50 years, says Elaine Froese, a farm family business coach in Boissevain, Man. and author of When Letting Go is Hard.
So what’s stopping people (yes, it is usually men) from retiring? What makes them think they want to drop dead in a tractor seat even if it means risking their marriages and ending up alone?
John Fast, an executive coach in Waterloo, Ont. who has worked with farmers across the country, says that for many men it’s the fear of change that’s the problem. Their identity is wrapped up in their role as a business owner.
For decades they have poured all of their energy into the farm and they haven’t had time to cultivate other interests, hobbies or social networks.
That leaves them asking, “If I wasn’t the owner of this farm operation, would I still matter? What would I do with my time?”
It’s why such men often view succession planning as the first nail in the coffin.
Of course, women can react this way too. Still, it’s mainly a male phenomenon. Overall, while men see change as loss, women are more likely to view change as an opportunity for growth, says Fast, author of The Family Business Doctor.
Even so, it shouldn’t become a matter of assigning blame.
New ways of thinking
Fast tells wives to consider their husbands’ experience. Topics like retirement and succession planning come up at a time when men are also feeling the effects of aging. They have relied on their vigour and on their grit to feed their families and to give their lives meaning, and now their thinning hair, sagging muscles and reduced stamina are signalling that they are no longer at the top of their game.
As if that wasn’t bad enough, today’s technology means that farming is changing at an ever-increasing rate, so older men may fear their years on the farm won’t be as valued as they were in previous generations.
In other words, if these men are going to be respected, they feel they’ve got to be active.
But Fast says the husbands need to recognize that in addition to the risk of divorce, overstaying their time at the helm of the farm business may not be in the best interests of the farm. If a younger generation is chomping at the bit to take on a leadership role, they could easily become frustrated and leave the family farm in search of another opportunity where their future is more assured.
Resentment can build, leading to conflict, a breakdown in communication and hard feelings. Fast says it’s estimated that 80 per cent of family business failures are the result of unresolved and destructive family dynamics.
The independent attitude and entrepreneurial drive that were positive qualities for establishing the business can work against a business owner when it comes to passing the baton to the next generation, which usually involves a more collaborative process. Stubborn pride may also prevent business owners from seeking outside expertise which could facilitate the succession process and smoothe the transition, says Fast. Instead these farmers may withdraw and resort to unhealthy coping strategies such as workaholism and alcoholism.
If you think you’ve been in denial about the need to hand the reins over to the next generation, there is hope. The first step is to see retirement in a positive light. Stop thinking of it in terms of the farm, and start thinking of it in terms of you.
New ways of talking too
You don’t even have to call it retirement. Just say that you’re taking some time for yourselves.
Fast prefers to think of it as “redirecting our energies and lifestyle.” Froese meanwhile calls it a lifestyle plan rather than a retirement plan.
Whichever way you go, the goal is to begin thinking of a future built on opportunity, not loss.
Take some time to think about what you’d like to do if you had the time. What have you always thought you’d like to do but didn’t have the time for? How about travel, golf or woodworking? Maybe you’d like to restore an antique tractor, or spend more time with the grandkids.
If you have no idea what you would do with more time, think back to the kinds of things you liked to do when you were young. This may give you some clues. Or try perusing the leisure studies section of your local community college, or check out your community recreation guide for activities that you might enjoy.
Maybe there’s a service club, church or charitable organization that would benefit from your time. Start developing interests and hobbies outside of the farm now. It will make it a lot easier to plan your retirement if you have something to look forward to.
What about mentoring a young farmer? As a mature farmer you have a wealth of experience and the next generation could benefit from your insights.
Hard choices
While it’s fun to dream of the things we could do and the places we might go, it’s also essential to talk about the hard things, says Froese. Avoiding the things that scare us or that we don’t want to talk about is more likely to make things worse than to make them go away.
Where will you live? Will you stay on the farm or move into town? What will your role be in the farm? These are the kinds of questions you need to ask yourself. If you need help, bring in a facilitator who can help you open the lines of communication.
You may find you need to reconnect with your spouse. After years of raising a family, couples often find they’ve drifted apart. What are your spouse’s hopes and dreams? What does retirement look like to him or her? Do they want to retire to the cottage? Or spend the winters in Florida?
Take some time individually envisioning what this stage of your life might look like and then compare notes.
And The real costs
Of course, none of your dreams will become a reality if you haven’t figured out how to finance this stage of your lives. People often underestimate how much money they’ll need to retire comfortably.
Keep track of your living costs so you can realistically predict how much money you’ll need when you retire. You can’t plan for retirement if you don’t have a good handle on living expenses, says Froese.
Make a budget so you know what a comfortable spending limit is. Hire the necessary experts such as lawyers and accountants to ensure you have all of your details right.
Also make sure you have a will that’s up to date, as well as powers of attorney and other important legal agreements in place.
Spending some money up front could save much more — as well as a lot of grief for your loved ones down the road if the necessary legal documentation isn’t in place when something happens.
You’ve worked hard and you deserve to take it easier and enjoy the fruits of your labour.
By embracing this stage of your life and taking control of the process, you can have the kind of life you and your spouse want to have, before it’s too late. CG
