Positive psychology is the study of human flourishing. It offers evidence-based insights, tools, skills and strategies for coping and for resilience during life’s challenges.
“It’s about building up what’s right with us, not trying to fix what’s wrong with us,” explains New Dundee, Ont. well-being educator and coach, Rebecca Byers.
Our thoughts, actions and behaviours have a big impact on our day-to-day happiness and satisfaction, explains Byers, who has a degree in health sciences and certifications in positive psychology and coaching. By paying attention to the things we do, how we think and what we feel, she says,“we can boost happiness in the moment and over time.”
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Thoughts, feelings and bodily sensations provide signals and information about our state of being, so by paying more attention to these, we can be more intentional with our choices and actions and make changes when we’re off-course or out-of-balance, she says. “Happiness is a skill.”
Byers discovered the benefits of positive psychology when she was struggling with the challenges of life and feeling drained. After training in the science of positive psychology, she says she was able to home in on key practices that consistently worked to make her happier and more energized. “I rediscovered the things that matter to me and found time and energy to embrace them.”
Wanting to share these fundamental tools with others, Byers developed a six-week interactive course called THRIVE to help women apply these strategies in their own lives. Byers is generously sharing that course content with Country Guide. And while she has chosen to focus on women in her own coaching practice, she says the tools can work for anyone.
Creating change generally starts with awareness and it’s the same when it comes to applying the techniques of positive psychology. Mindfulness and reflection are two essential practices for self-awareness, says Byers.
Developing an ability to be more mindful allows us to notice the present moment and our own internal experience. By being more conscious of our thoughts, we can decide when to let them pass.
We can pay more attention to the signals our bodies are sending us. Stress can manifest as fatigue and a clenched jaw, for example. By noticing and naming our emotions we can better understand them.
“It can be very difficult to stay in the present moment but focusing on your breath is a simple and effective way to do this,” says Byers. Slow, rhythmic breathing, especially where the out-breath is longer than the in-breath, can help counter stress and anxiety.
Unfortunately, our brains are “wired for worry,” says Byers. We naturally pay more attention to things of a negative nature such as unpleasant thoughts, emotions, or events than to neutral or positive things. As a result, we have to work harder at staying positive.
In particular, Byers encourages people to pay attention to their “mind chatter,” i. e. that internal monologue of thoughts which is often quite negative. We can get stuck in a mental rut with negative thoughts replaying in a continuous loop without any resolution to a problem.
When that happens, Byers encourages us to “talk back to our mental chatter.”
“We shouldn’t believe everything we think,” she says. Psychologists recommend talking to yourself with empathy and compassion, as you would a good friend.
Taking time to reflect can also help us to identify, clarify and accept our thoughts and feelings, says Byers. “It helps us to discover what we want, what we value and what works for us… as well as what doesn’t.”
Another way to gain clarity of our thoughts and feelings is through journaling. A journal can be a safe space to explore feelings, relationship conflicts or personal values. If journaling every day seems intimidating, you could aim to write a few times a week.
Studies have repeatedly shown that taking a few moments on a regular basis to reflect and write about what we are thankful for (what’s referred to as a gratitude practice) contributes to a more optimistic outlook.
Optimism and pessimism are not fixed personality traits but are habitual thinking patterns, explains Byers. “Repeated thoughts become wired more strongly. Pessimistic thinking can make you feel stuck.”
Our thoughts, behaviours and actions are interrelated. This is what psychologists describe as the Cognitive Triangle. Byers elaborates that our thoughts change the way we feel, which subsequently changes the way we act, which influences our thoughts and so on.
That means to feel and act differently, we need to think differently, says Byers. “The reality of our experience is created by our thoughts and feelings.”
While we can’t stop our thoughts, we can redirect our automatic thought patterns, says Byers. This can help stop us from getting stuck in negative emotions and help us reclaim control of our thinking and our ability to manage our feelings. “Where attention goes, energy flows.”
This is the basis of the popular Cognitive Behaviour Therapy model often referred to simply as CBT.
Byers explains that there are two main steps for shifting our thinking using CBT. The first is to dispute and reframe a negative thought. Ask yourself, is it true? Are you jumping to conclusions? What is the evidence? Does this thought serve me?
The next step is to generate alternative beliefs. What else could this situation mean?
While it’s not possible to go into the full details of applying CBT here, there are many good resources available as well as therapists and coaches trained in this method. Byers says, “life coaching is about getting unstuck and bridging the gap between where you are and where you want to be. It’s a collaborative effort, led by the client.” Many therapists and coaches offer sessions using Zoom or other similar platforms.
Byers cautions that positive psychology is not simply about encouraging happy thoughts and feelings. “Negative emotions are part of being human, and for the most part, are a healthy response to stressful, challenging or threatening situations,” she says. “But positive psychology can improve our ability to manage difficult feelings, thoughts and experiences.”
Resources
- For more details on the courses and services offered by coach Rebecca Byers, go to livewellbehappy.ca. Her hand-out, 36 Ways to Thrive, is available for download at no cost at livewellbehappy.ca/36-ways-to-thrive-find-happiness.
- Getting stuck in the negatives (and how to get unstuck) by University of California (Davis) Social Psychologist Alison Ledgerwood Tedx Talk (YouTube)
- The governments of Ontario and Manitoba have made AbilitiCBT, the online CBT program offered by the Morneau Shepell company, available to residents at no charge myicbt.com/home
- There are many books on CBT available through libraries and bookstores to guide you through the CBT process or you can work with a coach or therapist (some offer online classes). Mind Over Mood, Second Edition: Change How You Feel by Changing the Way You Think by Dennis Greenberger, Christine A. Padesky and Aaron T. Beck is a popular workbook for applying CBT.
- For a list of agriculturally-aware therapists, see the Do More Ag Foundation website.
