History will judge today’s farm families based at least in part on how they treat their brothers and sisters.
At this point, it’s far from clear that history’s judgment will be kind.
If you have sons and daughters in your family, they know this and they are thinking it (actually, they are thinking a lot about it), even if they don’t say it out loud.
It’s hard enough when multiple brothers want to become full-time farmers in their own right. But at least with boys, we start with a bit of a leg up.
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Boys mature and they acquire physical and mental capacities at about the same speed, which in turn makes it easier for parents to gain insights into their sons’ characters, and also for the boys to compare and evaluate themselves too.
Despite our schools, boys pretty quickly figure out who is fastest, who is cleverest, who is the best leader, and more.
Plus, the boys tend to get thrown together while they’re growing up on the farm, and they learn how to coexist and how to make peace, often by carving out different areas in which to excel.
That still isn’t enough to make succession easy for Mom and Dad. There’s still all the usual family stuff to get in the way, but at least you feel you have a chance.
Nor is it quite so difficult when you compare two daughters.
But now more and more farm families have both sexes with farming ambitions.
For parents who confront it, it can be a tough spot, despite the fact that it is becoming increasingly common. Even on the farm, brothers and sisters tend to grow up as different species, partly for cultural reasons of course, but also because they acquire different skills at different times.
Girls excel at school. Just check your local high school’s results. Meanwhile, boys enter a period of doldrums in their teens, from which they often don’t wake up until they are in their 20s, after which they may, or may not, blaze with energy.
Science is finding physiological reasons for this, but our point is that fair, long-term comparisons between brothers and sister are devilishly difficult and uncertain.
But as always, you aren’t farming in a vacuum. Recognize the brother-sister issue. Talk about it with your spouse, and keep your ears and eyes open to watch how it plays out around you.
Also learn from your children, your relatives and even from the media about gender equity in schools, organizations and non-farm workplaces.
And recognize that the challenge before you is, at its core, a tremendous opportunity. It’s a chance for you to decide. What is fair? What is good for the farm?
Yes, your parents said that if the girl wants to farm, she should marry a farmer. But that’s dinosaur thinking that can tear your family apart.
Are we getting it right? Let me know at [email protected].
Tom Button is editor of Country Guide magazine
