Every farm family faces stress on a daily basis. Sometimes though the stress can reach staggering proportions: a barn fire, a farm accident, plummeting markets, disease in the herd, drought, serious illness, a death in the family.
Such calamities are democratic. None of us escape. Sooner or later, we’re all knocked off our feet.
Even so, some people seem to bounce back faster from these potentially crippling stressors. In fact, researchers have been studying this phenomenon and they have come up with their own term to describe our ability to cope with significant adversity. It’s resilience.
Read Also
Ground rules for farm family communications
Establishing meeting ground rules can help your family find ways to communicate that work for your farm. Here are some…
These same researchers, however, are quick to point out that resilience isn’t a simple character trait. Instead, it’s actually the result of a multitude of factors having to do with both the individual and his or her social environment, including family, friends and community.
Michael Ungar, an author and professsor of social work at Dalhousie University in Halifax, has spent several years studying resilience in individuals and communities. He has identified seven components of resilience:
1. Social networks — do you have a supportive matrix of people around you?
2. Identity — do you look in the mirror and like what you see?
3. Sense of control — do you feel like you have some control?
4. Social justice — do you feel you are being treated fairly?
5. Basic resources — do you have access to food, clothing, shelter, etc.?
6. Sense of belonging or spirituality — do you feel your life has meaning and purpose?
7. Sense of culture — do you know who your ancestors were?
Fortunately, resilience is not genetically predetermined. It changes and develops over our lifetime, says Wayne Hammond, founder and CEO of Resilience Initiatives, a consulting group in Calgary, Alta.
To become more resilient, Ungar recommends developing a foothold in each of the seven areas.
That doesn’t mean that you personally need to be strong in each area. Instead, seek balance, aim to be strong in at least a few of these areas, and know where others can help you.
For example, having a mentor or a network of trusted professionals for your farm business can help you when there’s unexpected turmoil in the markets. Having a strong network of friends and family can help you if you are faced with a disabling illness.
As parents, one of the ways we can help our kids develop resilience is to let them fail at the small things so they learn how to recover from adversity, says Ungar. “Let them pack their own soccer bag even if they have to sit through a soccer game because they forgot their shin pad. We need to let our children experience some failure when things are secure,” says Ungar who laments that too many parents do too much for their kids. However, he cautions that the level of risk needs to be age appropriate.
Another way to increase our resilience is to increase our level of connectedness to family and community. The more connected we feel, the more resilient we’ll be, says Ungar. Hammond agrees. “While it may sound clichéd, it really does take a village to raise a child,” says Hammond who works extensively with schools and students. When kids don’t do well at school, it’s often because they don’t feel connected, he says.
Children also need positive role models in their lives. Hammond refutes the myth of quality time. “It’s quantity time, not quality time,” he says. “Parents need to be around for their kids without the TV on. Parents need to make a point of setting aside time for open communication.” This helps kids develop critical thinking skills for good decision-making.
“The role of the teacher is like that of another parent,” Hammond adds. Some rural schools have a strong sense of community but Hammond is concerned that many teachers come from outside the community and don’t have the same rapport with the kids. 4-H leaders can also be positive role models, he says.
Growing up resilient: ways to build resilience in children and youth by Tatyana Barankin, Centre for Addiction and Mental Health c2007
In Manitoba, the Manitoba Farm and Rural Stress Line www.ruralstress.ca,1-866-367-3276
In Ontario, the Farm Line telephone support for farmers www.thefarmline.ca,1-888-451-2903
One Farmer’s Story
Gerry Friesen, a 50-year-old former hog farmer from Wawanesa, Man. speaks openly about his own battle to overcome depression.
The low price for hogs was a contributing factor, Friesen says, but the solution had to come from within. In the end, it meant selling the hog farm in order to reduce his stress.
“If you don’t change things, nothing will change,” Friesen says.
Friesen also benefited from seeking support from two close friends, he recalls. And while he thought that by trying to hide his stress from his family he was protecting them, he knows better now. “My kids could see things,” Friesen says. “They wish I had been more open with them.”
Today Friesen tells his story as part of the Manitoba Farm and Rural Stress Line’s farmer-to-farmer project to encourage farmers and their spouses to seek help if they’re experiencing depression.
“Anxiety leads to depression, and depression if left untreated can lead to suicide,” Friesen warns. Today he is feeling much better and enjoys his work as a mediator and with the Manitoba Farm and Stress Line. “The response from the media and farmers has been tremendous.”
While there are a lot of stresses in life and farming that we cannot control, using our resources, reaching out to others for support and a willingness to adapt will help us to work through the challenges that come our way.
What if you’re currently facing extreme stress in your life? What tools do we have to help us cope? Ungar reminds us that we all have resources we can call on when faced with adversity.
Based on working many years as a counsellor, Ungar recommends looking at what’s worked in the past for you or your extended family. Then reach out for help from friends, family or professionals. Complete an inventory of your strengths and resources. Seek out stories of others who have overcome adversity, and connect with others who are in similar situations. And then, be open to change. CG
