“There is nothing left in the tank,” says Beverly Beuermann-King. She sees it regularly. “People get tapped out … One more thing can throw them over the edge.”
The phenomenon is what Beuermann-King works on as a resiliency and stress expert, and even if that sounds like a trendy new specialism it has actually been her focus at her Little Britain, Ont. office for more than 20 years.
It’s a new world, though. In the aftermath of the pandemic, Beuermann-King is getting more and more requests to help businesses that are seeing negative attitudes and difficult behaviours make their workplaces toxic.
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Now, on top of the usual worries and uncertainties, she’s also seeing anger, frustration, fatigue and burnout.
“People haven’t had a chance to breathe, to get their resources back, to feel like they have stability underneath them,” she says. “They don’t have the capacity to handle one more thing.”
Beuermann-King hails from a dairy farm and she knows the stresses that farmers face on a daily basis. Stress, she explains, is the body’s reaction to change. “There’s a physical reaction, a mental reaction and a behaviour reaction.”
In itself, stress isn’t necessarily good or bad but what we need to be on the lookout for is how it affects the rest of our life. Beuermann-King asks is it negatively impacting how you communicate? Does it keep you awake at night? Does it cause your stomach to churn, your muscles to tense up, your head to ache? Do you suffer anxiety, panic attacks, depression?
Unhealthy coping strategies can also cause problems, she continues. Anger, and yelling can push people. So can binge-watching Netflix, abusing alcohol and drugs, or being plagued with guilt and regret.
It’s hard, but it’s important to see which behaviours are detrimental, she says. “Anything that keeps you stuck, that doesn’t move problems forward, is not helpful.”
Beuermann-King developed the S-O-S Principle to help people manage stress in positive ways, where S-O-S stands for Situation-Ourselves-Support.
“We need tools in all three buckets,” Beuermann-King says.
- Situation refers to identifying the cause of the stress. Break it down. Be as specific as possible. Knowing what exactly is causing the stress will help you figure out what you can do about it.
- Ourselves is about our self-care. Are we eating right and exercising? Are we having fun? What hobbies do we have or what sports do we play to buffer stress? This is an area where farmers often lack balance.
- Support includes who we have to talk to. Who can we ask for help? Who can we learn from? This also includes family time, pets and spirituality which is a connection to something bigger than ourselves.
Off the farm too
Changes to the way we farm and the rural community have eroded the points of connection for farmers and farm families. “People used to have more places to vent, to share and to learn,” Beuermann-King points out.
Both men and women had more opportunities to keep in touch. Women, for example, attended bees of all sorts (Beuermann-King recalls her grandmother called her quilting bee the “Stitch and Bitch.”)
The reduced level of community support today means it’s even more important to reach out to a spiritual advisor, professional help or other available mental health resources, says Beuermann-King. “It’s unrealistic to think family can be the sole source of support,” she says. “Seeking help to sort through thoughts and feelings and take positive steps is nothing to be ashamed of. Make that the norm. Don’t wait until there’s a complete breakdown.”
Beuermann-King has some tips for coping with some of the stresses faced by farmers and farm families.
Set out rules of engagement. With family farms, work and family business are intertwined. This also makes it difficult to get away from the stress when things aren’t going well. Her advice is to be clear on the rules of engagement for how family members interact when things are good and bad. If we say “we want to treat each other with respect,” what would that actually look like?
With regard to communication, are we going to have a meeting every Friday to discuss what went well and what didn’t? How do we make decisions and who is included? How do we handle it when we’re angry — do we take a break and then come back?
Setting rules of engagement will help prevent the buildup of resentment and subsequent explosions but Beuermann-King acknowledges it can be hard to do. “People think this will happen naturally but that gets them into trouble.”
Take time to transition. Beuermann-King recommends farmers take a break before rejoining the family at the end of the day. Get in the habit of investing a few quiet minutes to make the switch to focusing on the present. Take a shower, perhaps, or go for a walk to get prepared for “the chaos of reconnecting” when everyone’s tired.
Seek out help. When faced with the pressures of making major decisions about the direction of the farm or adopting new technologies, Beuermann-King supports learning as much as you can from others who have experience. Ask them what questions they wish they had asked or what training would they have found useful. Don’t be afraid to ask suppliers for help or to pay for technical support. “This will save headaches, frustration and the self-doubt that goes with it.”
Limit negative influences. News broadcasts are usually negative so Beuermann-King advises being intentional about when and how much you expose yourself to the 24/7 cycle. “Don’t listen to the news when you are already feeling worn out,” she says.
As an alternative, she suggests watching the news after morning chores when you have more energy, but even then limit your consumption to what’s really important.
She also recommends taking breaks by going out for dinner with the family, hanging out with friends, playing sports or participating in a hobby.
“Negativity is contagious and negativity sticks,” she says, so watch how much time you spend with negative people.
Limiting negative influences applies to social media use too. Seeing photos of other people’s “perfect” lives can leave us feeling like we don’t measure up, explains Beuermann-King.
In our increasingly polarized society, we may also be exposed to distressing online attacks from those who hold views different from our own. To minimize the “Us versus Them” mentality between urbanites and farmers and between farmers operating in different sectors, Beuermann-King has some helpful hints. To break down the misconceptions and stereotypes, she says it’s important to engage in dialogue and to listen actively. “Be open to conversations with city residents and others who may have different perspectives. Listen to their concerns and viewpoints without judgment. Building relationships through respectful communication is key to breaking down barriers.”
She also emphasizes being alert to your own biases.Then, challenge stereotypes when you encounter them. “Encourage others to do the same,” Beuermann-King says. ”Promote a culture of respect, empathy and open-mindedness in your community.”
Resources
E-courses and videos are available on Beverly Beuermann-King’s website at beverlybeuermannking.com.
– This article was originally published in the December 2023 issue of Country Guide.
