One of my friends wasn’t happy when he picked up his truck after extensive repairs. The bill was higher than he’d expected. “This is exorbitant,” he protested. We talked about possible solutions. He could discuss the bill with the service manager. Some labour or parts may have been billed incorrectly. The dealer might allow him to stretch payments over time without interest. “It’s OK,” my friend said. “I will get even with them sooner or later.”
The need to retaliate seems inherent in human nature, although vengeance rarely settles a problem. The desire to settle the score seems deeply rooted in the human psyche. History records legions of events where some person attempts to punish or hurt someone else for real or perceived wrongs. Wars have been fought over fertile land which would not grow anything when battle subsided. It is impossible to build good relationships if we are constantly looking for an opportunity to get even. The result is usually deeper hurt and more hard feelings.
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I heard a yarn about a man who ordered a load of wood then short-changed the seller when it came time to pay. He claimed the wood was wet and not worth the price. This happened two years in a row. The next year the woodlot operator inserted 22-calibre shells in every other piece of wood. The recalcitrant buyer was terrified when the shells went off inside his cast-iron heater.
Jesus gave us good advice: “You have heard that it was said ‘an eye for an eye’ and ‘a tooth for a tooth.’ But now I tell you: do not take revenge on someone who wrongs you. If anyone slaps you on the right cheek, let him slap your left cheek too.” Even religious people do not find it easy to follow this advice. A minister’s car broke down 25 kilometres from town. The tow truck driver demanded $100. The next day the minister’s wife was complaining about the high cost of towing. “It’s OK dear. I got even with him. I had the brakes on all the way to town.”
Some people go to extremes to get even. Calculated retaliation damages friendships and family connections, sometimes permanently. I have presided at funerals where family divisions were painfully obvious. Pleading for forgiveness and reasonable behaviour goes unheeded.
Sometimes getting even is mischievous. I heard this story at a meeting of museum guides. “Jennifer’s wedding day was fast approaching. Nothing could dampen her excitement — not even her parents’ nasty divorce. Her mother had found the perfect dress to wear. She would be the best-dressed mother of the bride ever! A week later, Jennifer was horrified to learn that her father’s new, young wife had bought the exact same dress as her mother! Jennifer asked her father’s new wife to exchange it, but she refused. “Absolutely not! I look like a million bucks in this dress, and I’m wearing it,” she replied. Jennifer told her mother who graciously said, “Never mind sweetheart. I’ll get another dress. After all, it’s your special day.” A few days later they went shopping and found another gorgeous dress for her mother. When they stopped for lunch, Jennifer asked her mother, “Are you going to return the other dress? You really don’t have another occasion where you could wear it.” Her mother just smiled and replied, “Of course I do, dear… I’m wearing it to the rehearsal dinner the night before the wedding.”
SuggestedScripture:Proverbs2:1-15,Matthew5:38-48
Rod Andrews is a retired Anglican bishop. He lives in Saskatoon.
