The Commissionaire on duty at Depot, the RCMP training academy in Regina, hands me my room keys. “Breakfast is at 6:45 a.m. and your course begins at 8 a.m.” My room, usually occupied by police cadets, is basic but comfortable. I don’t need the lock box for a firearm so I lock up my truck keys and my wallet.
In the early-morning dark I walk to the mess hall. I meet platoons marching smartly to a day of training. New cadets wear touques. Those about to graduate wear time-honoured Stetsons.
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My course is for volunteer police chaplains and others who assist police officers to cope with the stress of their work. The first item is physical exercise. Fiona, a fitness instructor, puts us through a series of exercises. While struggling to keep up with younger people, I reflect “I am here 50 years too late!” Fiona’s mantra is “If your body is not in shape, your mind will follow.” Physical fitness promotes good health and longer life. Physical activity is as useful as talk therapy. Which would you prefer, she asks, “Taking medicine or daily exercise?”
The next seminar is “The Difficult Client.” Difficult people seem to be everywhere — at work, in marriage, in families, even at church. The leader, Jason, is a psychologist. He says the problem is often unreasonable expectations. People assume you are willing to help them but you may not have enough money, enough love or enough time. Your personal morality, or your religious convictions, may prohibit you from responding as hoped. Jason suggests being clear and firm about how far you will go. Your grandson may want you to buy him a truck, and you may have enough money, but you don’t think it is a wise move. A kindly delivered unequivocal “no” is the best solution.
Jason says difficult people come in several categories. Some people will cling to you. Dependency is not healthy. People need to make their own decisions and determine their own way in life. Guidance and suggestions work best. Some difficult people are just bossy. They feel entitled to your time, money or whatever else you have to offer. It is important not to let people exploit you. Some people will try to manipulate you. Jason suggests stepping back to consider the situation, then letting them do the work. Taking responsibility for the inadequacies of others is not a good route to follow.
Jason is careful not to give us “cookie cutter” solutions. He says some people will not comply with instructions. “Do not walk on the kitchen floor with your dirty boots.” “Wipe off the tools and return them to the proper place.” He suggests motivation. “Apple crisp for desert when the floor is kept clean.” “Bonuses when tools are replaced.” Jason says we will not always be successful. There are people who are self-destructive. They have a good job but are in danger of losing it because they are late, careless or argumentative. The psychologist says “You cannot save everyone. Some people only learn from bitter experience.” It is important to take care of yourself while assisting others. “Go into the water as a lifeguard but avoid being dragged under.”
We often hear the saying “The Bible says God helps those who help themselves.” The Bible does not actually say that, but there is wisdom in the thought. The power of God is available to those who reach out for it, even when humans test our patience.
